Yesterday was my 10th wedding anniversary.  These ten years have gone by quickly.  Today I would like to share with you 8 lessons I have learned from my first 10 years of marriage.  (I tried, unsuccessfully, to come up with 10 lessons.  Sorry.  8 will have to do.)

1. Marriage is a wonderful gift from God.  The writer of Proverbs was correct, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.”  (Prov 18:22) God was gracious in bringing Nicki and me together.  She is a tremendous gift to me.  I would be lost without her.
2. People give up on marriage too easily.  You have heard the statistics.  You have heard the stories.  No doubt, you have seen it up close.  People quit on marriage everyday.  Quitting is easy.  Marriage is not easy.  But, it is good and right.  It honors God.  God’s plan is for us to stay married and to not quit.
3. God’s ways are not my ways.  Few things in these past ten years have happened the way that I envisioned. Every time Nicki & I “figured things out” God would come along and introduce a new wrinkle.  God’s plan is seldom my plan.  But God’s plan is always good and right because God is good and right.
4. The meaning of Marriage is changing.  For hundreds of years, Marriage was defined as “the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.”  It was an honorable word. It was a noble ideal.  In just the few years that I have been married, the definition of marriage has broadened.  Marriage is being stripped of its honor and dignity.  Sadly, marriage is no longer a big deal.  Today, a man can marry a man, get divorced, marry a woman, get divorced, marry someone else, and get divorced all in the span of about 5 minutes.  Tragically, our country no longer views marriage as the honorable institution that it has historically been.
   

   Our wedding day, 1/21/06. Anyone else remember that old carpet?

5. Marriage is strengthened when supported by a local church.  I cannot imagine life without a strong local church.  Our church has helped our marriage in so many ways.  It is no exaggeration to say that our 10 years of marriage are due, in no small part, to the love and support of Faith Baptist Church.
6. A strong marriage is a powerful testimony to an unbelieving world.  A strong marriage spreads Christianity.  It communicates a strong belief in commitment.  It opens unique doors when the world asks “how have you been able to stay married?”
7. All marriages require work.  No marriage will function well with a ‘set it and forget it’ mindset.  We all have to work at our marriages.  We have to work to communicate better.  We have to work to understand each other better.  If you do not work at your marriage then it is like you are not even trying.  Working hard at your marriage communicates that you are committed to you marriage.  Working on your marriage is no sign of weakness.  It is a tremendous sign of wisdom.
8. Unselfishness is the key to success in any marriage. If all husbands and wives would follow the example of Christ and show true humility and unselfishness, we would have countless more strong marriages.  Sadly, we know the opposite is true.  Selfishness reigns supreme in too many marriages today.  Too many people believe that pleasing themselves is more important than pleasing their spouse.

So there you have it.  Wisdom from the young ‘whippersnapper’ who has been married for ONLY 10 years.  Take it for what it’s worth.  If nothing else, just re-read the last point.  Stop being selfish.  I am convinced that if we, men, would stop being selfish and begin working hard to serve our wife and children, then the quality of our marriages would skyrocket.  Most of the time, the only problem with your marriage is the guy you see in the mirror each morning.

Happy Friday and Happy Anniversary Nicki!

Stephen